The worst 48 hrs of my life...

Wifey>> 2 nites ago,before i started my nite shift,my colleague informed me that a staff nurse from the gynae centre called looking for me at the counter.The s/n claimed that she couldn't get thru me and that it was very important that i call her back asap.I was dumbfounded.why? what happened? Wats the urgency? Could it be about my blood results?(i just took the blood test last week).I couldn't concentrate on werk at all.My mind was wandering all over.Working in a hospital,at least i know that they wouldn't really bother to call if there was nothing seriously wrong.I then went looking for advice from my s/n fren who juz gave birth.Wat she said made me feel worse.
"No lah,they wouldn't call unless your blood results not normal.U tink they got time to call u n chit chat meh? SURE SUMTHING WRONG ONE...better call them tomorrow..."
I could feel my knees n hands trembling.I had such a difficult time dialing my hubby's hp no. coz my mind sudenly went numb.By the time i got thru him,i couldn't control myself any longer.I had to tell him in between sobs.By now,all the patients standing in the waiting area was staring at me.Screw them ah...i have problems of my own.(actually it was quite comical coz they stopped harassing me once i started crying.imagine if i had started wailing..maybe they would have left.hehehehe).Aniwae,after talking to hubby who had the right mind to stay positive n sane(unlike me),i felt slightly better.luckily it was such a busy nite.I was so occupied,i didn't tink so much bout it.What could i do rite? i can only wait till morning when the clinic opens.
I called the clinic at 8am but the s/n in charge of my files has not arrived yet.They told me to call back at 8:30am.At 8:31am,i called back.While waiting to be transferred to her office, i could feel my heartbeat beating very fast n my hands felt very cold.when i finally got thru her,she sounded nice,but once she started rattling about my blood tests results,all the medical jargons,i got lost halfway into the conversation.What i dread most i already heard...
"Possibly thalassemia.let's just hope your husband's results are not as bad.His blood results will be out only later this afternoon.i'll call u back later with his results."
I totally lost it.I cried all the way home.All these years working in the hospital,i roughly know wat thalassemia is n it frightened me that my baby could be suffering from it.Really tough..i wished at that time,i didn't know wat thalassemia is so that i wouldn't know how bad it could be.
When i woke up later that afternoon,the first thing i did was to check my hp.No missed calls.I then decided to use my own initiative to call the s/n.(own initiative= impatience-medical jargon).When she picked up the call,she chirpily informed me that my hubby's blood results aren't that good either but slightly better than mine.To come for another blood test n not to worry.Huh? Strangely i didn't feel bad.Maybe it was the way she delivered it.rileks je..klakar jugak.Anyway the whole of the evening was spent with my mum n sistas in law.Being wif them was so fun,like being entertained n i totally forgot about the blood tests results.I didn't sleep well at nite though,coz i was lonely(hubby dah snore rabak.fire alarm kat multi storey cp pun tak kuat gitu) n the tots crept back into my mind...
Today after lunch wif my mum in law,i went straight to the gyn ctr for my blood tests.When i reached,hubby still not around yet,so waited for him outside.I wanted to do the blood test together with him so that i can hold his hand in case he cries...heheheh.As soon as he arrived we went to the treatment room,no queue.The s/n was already waiting for us.Without wasting any more time i asked her about our tests results.She coolly replied that our blood tests actually not so bad.That it is just routine to call back couples for subsequent blood tests.Just to be doubly sure."NOT GOOD DOESN'T MEAN POSITIVE THALASSEMIA." Amboi,senangnya dia cakap...dahlah i cried macam nak rak semalam,today she said this? Suddenly i felt stupid.When i looked at hubby,he shot me a 'I TOLD U SO' look.I felt like laughing,but i maintained by coolness,buat muka sedih....kalau tak nanti kena marah...
These 48 hrs has been a roller coaster of emotions for me.I've never experienced this before but wat can u expect rite? We've been trying for nearly two years to conceive.I went thru a lot(pain,tears,snide remarks...).To finally be pregnant is wonderful.When people say that pregnant women worry alot,i would say that i agree.For women like me,first time mum,i tend to worry about a lot of things pertaining to my pregnancy.People say it's the hormones but for me,having this baby is the most precious posession that i have now and i would do anything to ensure my baby's health.For now,i can only pray that my baby will grow well in me and hopefully i will get to see my baby soon...so,pardon me if i am being over sensitive or over bearing or over mushy mushy bout my pregnancy.I juz wanna share...